Farage hits peak Boomer

Scientists at the Bohn Institute of Entitlement have warned that Nigel Farage my have hit peak Boomer, after his latest campaign to stop NetZero.

Prof Werner Speigeltuber said "It's really hard to see how anyone can be more Boomer than this. It's a sad day for the whole generation that have nowhere left to go from here."

A generation of boomers took to Twitter to voice their concern before realising they didn't really understand how Twitter worked, and were foiled by coming up with a secure password they could remember or seeing enough bicycles in a Captcha.

Experts had thought that former US President Donald Trump would be the first to reach Peak Boomer, but at a pointless rally he declared "Boy that Farage! And those snowflakes thought I was a dick!"

Boomers are famous for mistakenly thinking they lived through the war, and have endured rising living standards no other human generation could imagine, all the while leaving a scorched earth of social and environmental problems for "avocado-munching Generation Zers" to figure out.

Farage couldn't be reached for comment as no one at NewsBiscuit could bear to speak to him.

Image: Pixabay/catazul

COP creators confirm number 27 in the franchise

With COP26 currently screening worldwide, thoughts inevitably turn to its sequel and to whether the audience for this long running franchise still has the appetite for end-of-the-world scenarios.

This year’s instalment, set on the mean streets of Glasgow, featured the usual mix of cliff-hanging suspension, lengthy exposition, and some nicely choreographed flights. This time round Russia and China were the villains, although we actually saw very little of them, and the cast included the usual stellar line-up, including Boris Johnson playing someone who gives a shit, Greta Thunberg as the stroppy teenager, and the welcome return of Barack Obama as The President.

The COP creators, U.N. Sustainable Entertainment, have confirmed number 27 is already slated for production and will be set in the glamourous setting of Egypt’s Sharm el-Sheikh resort. The script is pretty much written, the cast have signed up to do another one, and the planet is ready to be threatened once more.

Asked how long they can keep the series going, the production company told us, “As long as there’s an audience for it, or until they’re wiped out by some devastating climatic event.”

Image: Pixabay/marcinjozwiak

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BlahBlahBlah26 angry at Greta Thunberg for claiming that COP26 attendees just go 'blah blah blah'

BlahBlahBlah26 organisers have taken Greta Thunberg to task for diverting attention away from their own gibberish.

David Medium, BlahBlahBlah26’s originator, said at a press conference:

"For 26 years now, we have been meeting in a small hotel in Glasgow with the specific purpose of saying nothing but ‘blah blah blah’ to each other. It is a friendly, safe event where otherwise uninteresting middle managers can meet, eat biscuits and communicate to each other with just one word. At first it feels weird, then funny, then oddly relaxing, which is why we love it.

We don’t have much of a marketing budget and rely largely word of mouth to get our message across. So you can imagine our annoyance when an international celebrity like Greta Thunberg gets up and falsely announces that all the COP26 attendees are just going ‘blah blah blah’. Really Greta? We don’t think so. They are politicians and climate scientists. It is highly likely that they are at least talking about clouds. If you want to just say, 'blah blah blah', then come to the experts. We know how to do it properly."

Mr. Medium had more to say on the matter but he was dramatically interrupted by Bill Darlington of StickThingsUpYourArse26 who brought things to a rapid close with an unrepeatable gesture that we have been advised by our lawyers to never mention.

Image: Pixabay/TheDigitalArtist

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