Nike statement 'Sorry to all the English snowflakes we "offended" '

'What's the matter, can't you take a joke, you English snowflakes? Or is it because English snowflakes usually come with a red St George's Cross tattoo-ed on them. We wouldn't want you looking stupid.'

'Also, you will lose your minds when you realise England's away kit isn't as white as you wish everyone in the country was.'

'Legally speaking, the red of the St George's cross should be dragon's blood, but as St George was a Turkish man (probably an immigrant) and dragons don't exist, this is tricky to pull off in a modern supply chain.'

'Who knows, maybe the England men's team will win a trophy in the age of colour television and this will matter.'

'After all, the Tories and Reform would never produce blue or purple versions of that flag. At least this will identify any full kit wanker MPs.'

Image: Newsbiscuit

Handbags at dawn on the soccer pitch

FA ready to do FA about Spurs’ dodgy billionaire owner

The Football Association is about to take decisive inaction regarding the owner of Tottenham Hotspur being charged with insider trading. Even if he is convicted, Joe Lewis who is worth an estimated £5bn, is unlikely to face another ‘fit and proper person’ test because he’s worth an estimated £5bn.

The latest non-move is seen by some as consistent with the FA’s attitude to the insanely rich Saudi owners of Newcastle. However, the FA denies doing nothing about any possible links between the Saudi’s Public Investment Fund and the murder of a journalist, stating that the FA acted swiftly and decisively to turn a blind eye.

Image: Pixabay/jarmoluk