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Illegal Immigration Minister arrested after complaints from Legal Migration Minister

The friction between the two roles was apparent from the start and was never going to work. The Immigration Ministerial position was split in two last year and no one in power recognised the risk of introducing a pro illegal immigration role.


The foreign secretary, soon to be Grant Shapps, was appalled that a minister was able to illegally operate in such a high position and was so brazen about their nefarious activities that they actually had “illegal” in their job description. The home secretary, soon to be Grant Shapps again, has blamed Labour for not having an effective plan of dealing with this kind of problem and said it would only get worse under a Keir Starmer regime.


The Minister of defence, Grant Shapps, said that this arrest marked a success in defending Britain and showed how effective all of his policies have been in all of his roles.


The minister for common sense, soon to be Grant Shapps, said, “Well it’s just common sense innit.” And who can argue with that.


The arrested minister was taken away and forcibly shown a picture of Rwanda.


image from pixabay

Recently discovered giant Pliosaur not eligible for UK residency, rules Sunak


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The skull of a colossal sea monster that was unearthed from the Jurassic Coast that was due to go on display today has been ruled as ineligible to remain resident in the UK. Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak, ruled that whilst it may not have come here on a small boat, it still entered the UK illegally via the coast without going through the proper channels.


"Whilst the Pliosaur may pose no immediate threats to resources in the UK", Mr Sunak told us, "it is quite obvious that it gained entry to the cliff face illegally and concealed itself 150 million years ago using British soil and shale resources. We must remain solid and vigilant to abuses of the system. There is every chance that the ancient sea monster came through French waters before settling here in the UK. This is unacceptable."


Mr Sunak also mentioned that there were plenty of indigenous, British fossils that require attention, study and housing at British museums. He did not accept that the facility to apply for asylum in the UK would not be built for another 150 millions years after it's death citing that whilst waiting lists were a worry, they will become manageable in the coming months. 



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