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Australian kids forced to use Skippy the Bush Kangaroo to communicate


Australia's ban on social media means that kids will need to use a unique clicking system to communicate. Phones will be rendered useless, and the only friend they'll need will be the Head Ranger of Waratah National Park. 


The platform, called Bouncy-Bouncy, means kids have to carry a fully grown marsupial in their pockets. Two kangaroos can connect together, but it must be distances of less than 10-yards to hear the 'tchkk tchk tchk.'


The Australian government insisted that the kangaroo system will protect kids from harmful content – unless of course Sonny is trapped down a well. Kids will be heard saying, 'What's that Skippy? Billy's updated his dating status?'



Image credit: Stable Diffusion

Witch Hunt and Kangaroo Court to merge




It’s been announced today that a merger between the major phrases “Witch Hunt” and “Kangaroo Court” has been agreed.


The new phrase will be known as “Witch Court” or WC for short. According to one lexical analyst, 'This is a brand refresh that makes sense as the two target markets have almost completely overlapped.'


WC Vice President, Herman Utix, said, “This will save our customers time with the creation of one convenient idiom meaning “any investigation we don’t like”. Encouragingly, we’ve already heard it employed by some of our core users in relation to Trump, with people saying, “Witch Court this week?”.'


It’s believed that "Kangaroo Hunt" was also considered, but rejected owing to a possible legal ownership battle with opponents of UK’s Chancellor of the Exchequer.


Some major users of both phrases were less than happy, however. One protester at the launch of the merger said, 'It’s not enough to steal your guns. These woke types are coming for your cliches now.'


First published 14 June 2023


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