Midfield Diamond
In response to a recent survey which identified that only 4% of the names of new species recognise women, a parasitologist has identified a new creature to be called susanisa heartlessmoneygrabba. Professor Wilkinson claims that he was simply addressing the gender bias, and the name of the newly-discovered species of blood-sucking organism has nothing to do with his acrimonious divorce.
Professor Wilkinson went on to explain that susanisa heartlessmoneygrabba begins life as an independent life form, keen on reproductive acts and looking for a willing host. The host is then tricked into accommodating the organism which develops claws to dig in to the victim’s flesh. It also doubles its weight, stops all reproductive acts, starts sucking blood and reduces the host’s enjoyment of life.
“Any similarity between susanisa heartlessmoneygrabba and my former partner, or any other person called Susan, is purely coincidence,” said the world authority on leeches.