Coming soon to ITVBe, a The Only Way Is Essex special which sees the permatanned imbeciles put aside their summer plans to go to Agia Napa, Ibiza and “Marbs” in favour of congregating outside a hotel housing refugees and shouting abuse at them.
“Look, I’m not racist, right?” said beautician Gemma Asbo. “All me friends are brahhhhn, in’t they? ‘Cept Leanne, she ain’t been in the salon this week.
“But these referee asylum whatevers… I know abroad’s a bit ‘ot sometimes, and you can’t get proper British food like curry or pizza, but that don’t mean they can come ‘ere.”
She offered to hold a sign expressing her opinions if someone else could write it for her, being unable to do it herself because of her fake nails and illiteracy.
“Look, I’m not being racist,” said one asylum seeker, uneasily watching the angry crowd from an upstairs window. “But they’re just not civilised.”
“I quite agree,” said his friend. “Unfortunately in my country women are subjected to many indignities. But I’ve never seen lip filler that bad.”
Exploiting a loophole in their plan to pay asylum seekers to return abroad, cash strapped holiday makers have registered themselves as Illegal immigrants. A family of four can now have a free holiday - provided they are happy for the location to be Afghanistan.
Nigel Farage will personally book your air flight and escort you, by the ear, through customs. £2bn has been put aside for the plan, which should just about cover his drinks tab. Reform claims the holidays will be all inclusive - all you can eat, so long as it is a Red Cross parcel.
The party says it would build removal centres - similar to Butlins. Detaining up to 24,000 people - so a bit like Southern Rail. And Farage has promised to charter flights five times a day, more if you are a stag do.
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