Updated: Jun 21
Having spent the last three decades working in the private sector, the UK Government has finally decided to renationalize the nation’s gullible. A Minister explained: ‘Too long has private industry exploited the vulnerable and that’s our job. Now, if you could just give me your bank details and passwords, we can really get this going’,
The job of a Wallet Inspector is to ensure that wallets are not over-filled with unnecessary banknotes and to save the public from the burden of cumbersome wealth. They work tirelessly across various sectors of the economy, particularly in the gambling industry and LBC Radio.
One successful Inspector, David Miliband (CEO of the charity International Rescue), welcomed the opportunity to double his $1m salary. A friend said: ‘David feels that profiting from charitable donations is just the start of something more ambitious and immoral’.
During Austerity, the UK’s Wallet Inspectors were particularly successful in closing down your village hospital, bailing out the banks with your money and removing the word ‘sucker’ from the dictionary. One Inspector commented: ‘It’s a free service. We provide the bait. The hook, the line and the sinker. All you need to do is sign right here. Don’t worry about the small print’.