The porcelain figurine industry, essential for the domestic fancy glass cabinet market, is in turmoil after the wholesale price of tat skyrocketed. Figurine sector analysts, who are probably the most anal analysts in the world, have confirmed that the key material which goes into the fabrication of objet pas d'art has increased in price threefold over recent months. Oh the humanity.
The industry regulator, Oftat, blamed the government for introducing a price cap on what customers pay for figurines. The government absolved itself of all responsibility saying, 'No one could have seen this coming.' When that argument was easily smashed to smithereens, the government shifted its position to
pointing the finger at Larry the Downing Street Cat because everyone knows cats are always to blame when precious things come crashing down.
But the analysts remain adamant that the price has been artificially inflated by an evil dictator who runs a warehouse in Margate. 'After breaking up the monopolistic control of the original nationalised industry, the UK figurine market was poorly reconstructed on false ideologies of private competition. But the government then left the door wide open to complete monopolistic control from an external operator with the power to turn off the entire tat pipeline.'
'The situation as it stands right now is precariously balanced and extremely fragile.'