In an effort to clarify the UK's response to the Omicron variation of Covid, December 9th has been named as Panic Day.
"Now is not the time to panic", explained a government minister over a Zoom session from the new cabinet office in the Carribbean, "but quite soon would seem appropriate."
"We've made it clear for some time, that calm, sensible following of scientific advise is something we like to espouse. But now I'm safely on the other side of the world, it feels that a new deadly strain, a clueless government and an idiot as prime-minister has raised a desire for panic that should be met and on December 9th, people are free to run into the streets screaming, dance like lunatics and play kiss chase. Weather permitting, obviously."