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As forecourt sales of petrol are falling due to lack of demand, oil companies are looking for other ways to shift their product. So the latest innovation, then, is gift packaged petrol – just in time for Mother’s Day.
Mum no longer has to suffer petrol station flowers, with their inescapable whiff of unleaded. Now she can have the real thing – and useful too – packaged like perfume or wine and perfect for gifting. Gift petrol comes in handy spill-prufe(tm) one litre and two litre packs. A spokesman explained that the larger sized gift will make Mum feel really special – and provides enough fuel for a round trip to Lidl, to do the weekly shop. And the one litre size is perfect if you don’t really like your Mum that much, or if you've recently had a bit of a spat.
No expense has been spared on the packaging – more D&G than BP – to underline the premium nature of the gift and the premium price. Gift petrol retails at about ten times the forecourt price and the gift packs can’t be refilled on the forecourt – so no recycling!
Retail experts expect gift petrol to do well in the competition for Mother’s Day sales, with up to 4 million units expected to be sold. The perfect way to thank Mum for another year of laundry, unsolicited fashion advice, invective and dodgy Netflix recommendations.
photo: https://pixabay.com/users/iade-michoko-2946166/
Global oil firms have urged consumers to focus on the massive 0.1p that they save on every single litre of petrol they buy at forecourts, rather than the eye wateringly high price of fuel at the pumps..
'For decades, knocking a fractional amount of a penny off the retail price of petrol has been part of our strategy to give something back to hard-pressed customers', said Dave Stetson, a spokesperson for the Petrol Companies Association 'Oil be There for You'. 'It's definitely not a marketing ploy to fool people into thinking the price is a penny less than it actually is. No, no-one would be taken in by that, surely?'.
'Prices at the pumps reflect all sorts of factors and they can go up and down...well ok, they don't actually ever go down, but you know what I mean', continued Stetson.
'With prices likely to hit £1.90 per litre next week, we would really ask petrol customers to consider that actually 189.7p per litre is actually a pretty damn good deal, rather than crying as the pump shows incredulously, it is costing £85 to fill up their small Nissan Micra', continued Stetson.
'Us Big Oil companies are also feeling the squeeze', noted Stetson. 'Just last week, my own company GuzzleOil reported annual profits of £7bn, oops sorry I mean £6.997 billion.'
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