BBC executives have put out a call for “more celebrity affairs, preferably involving age disparities” in a desperate bid to avoid having to report on the Covid Inquiry.
‘We’re a serious news agency’, a spokesman sniggered, ‘and we have a duty to report impartially on whether Celebrity A inserted his man sausage into Celebrity B. That’s precisely what Lord Reith meant when he said . . . . whatever. I was off that day’.
Piers Morgan has denied knowing that bees make honey while he was editor of Beekeeper’s Weekly. He was defending himself against accusations made by several hungry bears, an annoying wasp, and thousands of ants. Mr Morgan also denies involvement in acquiring honey from the pantries of celebrities and royals.
Speaking before the trial Mr Morgan said: I've never even seen honey, let alone tasted it. When I was editor of Beekeeper Weekly no one ever mentioned honey in my presence. This is the biggest witch hunt in history.’
The trial continues.
Image:stevepb | Pixabay
In one of Nature's most frightening feats of adaptive mutation, the Coronavirus is now assuming forms never seen before. "We fear it could have insinuated itself into telemarketing or even be selling you double glazing", says epidemiologist Dr Mark Boyle. "We urge the public to be constantly vigilant".
Paranoia has gripped the nation. There are rumours that the virus could now be reading the news on Sky or posing as a junior minister. Police have called for calm after after a semi-literate mob of vigilantes attacked an Oxford classics don after they overheard him saying "I like Ovid".
Meanwhile, Piers Morgan remains holed up in a basement underneath the studios, as his bosses try to convince the howling mob outside that it was "just a metaphor" when he was described as "a virus in human form".
Image: PIRO4D | Pixabay
