Nation stunned: "Johnson has an ethics advisor?"

Britain is reeling to the shock news that Boris Johnson has an ethics advisor.

David Icke, paused during a book signing of "Prince Phillip was a Wizard the Queen is a Lizard" explained it. "I could believe 5G causes baldness, Prince Andrew is an alien or Australia is a hoax, but this. Someone tells me Boris Johnson has advice on ethics and I'm not having it."

The Ethics advisor himself, Lord Christopher Geidt, is modest about his position. "It's actually a fairly easy job; I simply send the same memo every day which says - 'Whatever you're thinking of doing, do the opposite.' It's not my fault that he ignores it."

Mr Johnson when asked about his ethics advisor replied; "Actually, I know where Essex is - I want to build an airport on top of it."

Fall Stack Ethics - Free image on Pixabay

Queen's covid response indicates the virus can jump species again

Her Majesty the Queen has said that her recent brush with covid left her tired, irritable and short on humour. 'It was like Philip had returned,' she said. Covid researchers have shown alarm at the Queen exhibiting symptoms as previously the virus transmission chain only included bats, humans, cats and dogs. 'If lizards can catch it, then we'll probably never stop it,' said one researcher today.

'We were initially concerned when Prime Minister Boris Johnson contracted the disease in the early days of the pandemic, we didn't think it could be passed to beings that were almost but not quite human forms, but then we thought "OK, it's only Boris, might do the country some good",' admitted a covid researcher today. 'So we weren't concerned at all in the end,' he added.

It is currently unknown if Jacob Rees-Mogg is capable of getting the disease. Now that blood temperature doesn't appear to be a barrier there is only the small issues of not requiring oxygen to function and the inability to cast a reflection to consider. 'To date, every person that we know to have caught covid has been known to cast a shadow, so perhaps he's going to be ok, unfortunately,' said a researcher.

Queen England Elizabeth Ii - Free photo on Pixabay

Queen "back on market" after Philip's memorial service

Her Majesty the Queen has announced that after the memorial service for Prince Philip, she's going to being "putting her self out there".

"One still has it and there is plenty of fresh tail out there to catch the royal eye."

Her Majesty has admitted to a "disappointing" experience with tinder.com. "One didn't find anyone with a similar range of interests, which really surprised one; who doesn't like shooting wildlife, choosing which palace to live in and George Formby?"

With lifting of COVID restrictions, the Queen has been planning discreet visits to the Ministry of Sound and XOYO. "One doesn't want to the centre of attention and attract the wrong types, so I've asked the palace guards to leave their horses at home when they accompany me.

Image: https://pixabay.com/users/solenfeyissa-17494645/