Mark King's thumb to sue for mistreatment and loss of earnings

In a legal first, the right thumb of legendary Level 42 Bassist, Mark King, is to sue its owner for sustained cruelty, mistreatment and loss of earnings spanning a period of over forty years.

The thumb told Rolling Stone: 'I've had enough. For as long as i can remember he's been bashing the living daylights out of me and knocking me against steel cables without so much as even a thought for my wellbeing. His behaviour has been callous in the extreme. Why couldn't he just use a plectrum like many other bassists?

'Do you know that he once had me insured for £3 million pounds. Well precious little I saw of that, I can tell you.

When he's been getting all the plaudits, not to mention the money, over the years all I've been getting is appalling treatment with nothing to show for being integral in creating his so-called "sound".'

Showbiz legal hotshots are watching developments in the case closely, as they believe that should the thumb's lawsuit prove successful then the floodgates will open with many other celebrity body parts trying their luck through the courts.

Already said to be high on the list are Mick Jagger's lips, Kylie Minogue's bum and Dolly Parton's breasts.

There are also as yet unconfirmed reports, that in a preemptive move, a crack legal team has already been briefed by Donald Trump's penis.

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

Charlie Watts ‘drove London bus’ throughout Stones career.

‘Get on a 270 bus at Wandsworth and it wouldn’t be surprising to see Charlie at the wheel’, revealed a childhood pal after the news of the Stones famously down-to-earth drummer’s passing. ‘He never forgot his bus routes, despite the fame and wealth. Even in the middle of a UK tour he’d sneak off to go down Lambeth Garage and climb aboard.’

‘Even when Mick and Murray Unfaithful were getting in deep in the interplanetary confectionery business, Charlie’s preference was for a small portion of whelks. Even when Keef joined the Taliban cos he liked the funny clobber and their prices for smack were reasonable if you bought in bulk, Charlie preferred a shandy and a three piece worsted from Cecil Gee. And while other drummers needed local authority planning permission to set up their drum kits, Charlie was perfectly at home with a family-size Quality Street tin and some chop sticks, hence his inimitable pared down style and his fondness for hard centres. And he was married to his Mrs throughout their time together as man and wife, even when the rest of the band succumbed to the charms of ‘gropies’ and one night music stands and all spent the night together.’

Now Watts will take his place in the Repercussion Hall of Fame alongside Keith Moo, Bloody Rich, Ginger ‘Biscuits’ and that one from the Police who isn’t even dead yet.

Image by Jordan Holiday from Pixabay