Man buys fishing waders instead of milk from Aldi

When he entered his local Aldi, Dave Wells from Hatfield had every intention of fulfilling the basic instruction from wife Cheryl to purchase milk. However, the overwhelming allure of the ‘middle aisle’ proved too much and he ended up buying fishing waders instead.

'I walked in repeating to myself milk, milk, milk – but then I looked up and it was just, f**k me, are those fishing waders? I'd heard about the middle aisle of Aldi but it's nothing to being actually confronted by it - completely mind-blowing. Where else can you buy a snail-shaped door mat and a Viking helmet-shaped coffee mug?'

'I ended up settling on the fishing waders, but it was a tough call between those, the 6-step aluminium ladder with built-in radio and a polyester Nehru-style jacket.'

Dave continued, 'I got home totally buzzing, then I saw Cheryl just standing there in the kitchen with her arms crossed – then I remembered I’d forgotten the milk. She nearly sent me back to Aldi in the waders, which I would have been totally up for, to be honest.'

Cheryl said: 'Obviously, I couldn’t trust him, so I went myself. I returned with a Disney Princess Yoga mat. Bollocks!'

Image: Pinacol/Pixabay

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What to do in a 'bag for life or death' situation

Shopper Karolina Krychowiak has accidentally used a Sainsbury's bag for life at a branch of Tesco, breaking the supermarket honour code. 'As a Polish woman, I'm depressingly familiar with getting looks from racists, but when I got that orange bag out for my meal deal, it was like when the masked gunslinger bursts through the saloon doors and the piano player stops. Luckily I used the self-service till otherwise things might have got tasty, unlike my meal deal,' she confirmed.

A Tesco source said 'This kind of provocation will not stand. We will find her and we will cut her food bills by 5%.'

Youssef Younis said 'As a British Asian I'm depressingly familiar with getting looks from racists but pulling out a Waitrose bag in Aldi felt like I'd deliberately attracted the attention of a crowd of zombies to tear me limb from limb.'

Aldi's middle aisle sometimes sells an undead uprising survival kit. An Aldi spokesman shuffled forward, murmuring 'Braaaaiins'.

Image: cocoparisienne/Pixabay