The Foreign Office explained: 'Technically snow has been around a little bit longer than Russia, but we needed a strong optic, to show the Ukraine we care - but not too much.
'Henceforth all snow will be banned from the UK and is to be replaced with grated coconut. All snowmen will be shot as spies. Ironically the chief exporter of coconut is based in Moscow, but its the performative gesture that counts'.
the Metropolitan Police investigates the extent of drug abuse in the House of Commons, the government has responded by asking Michael Gove if he could be the one of the faces of its new anti-drug programme, preferably both.
'Michael will level up the country and ensure that everyone has the same access to the class A drug,' said a government spokesman. Some politicians suggest that drug use is possibly the only explanation for the way the country is being run. 'It couldn't make it worse,' said one politician today.
photo https://pixabay.com/users/12019-12019/
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