In a blow to the Government, Yougov has announced that snowmen recently made in gardens up and down the country are more likely to be elected than most Conservative MPs.
Veteran MP, Peter Bone, reacted, but almost no one could understand what he was guffing on about. An interpreter of drivel had a crack, but this is the best she could do: 'This is ridiculous; since we left the EU, we've been enjoying continuous summer, so how could there be any snowmen in any case? If you'll excuse me, I'm off to the beach.'
Number 10 downplayed down the threat, saying, 'Carrots are expected to cost £28 each in January, so who'll be able to afford snowmen?'
Mr Gove's plan to open a new coalmine now looks like a spectacular own goal.