It was revealed today that a man is genuinely looking forward to Sir Keir Starmer’s party conference speech this afternoon.
Colin Sawdust of Oswestry already has a blank tape in his VHS (he doesn’t hold with these modern DVD players) to record the speech, which he expects to find very moving.
“I just love the way he combines a sober, realistic and wide-ranging analysis of the problems Britain faces in the medium term, with a reasonable and measured series of proposals designed to address those problems. Ooh, I’m getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it...
“I especially like when he pauses after what he thinks is a brilliant rhetorical flourish, and there’s an awkward silence followed by polite golf applause when people realise they were meant to clap.”
Sawdust, who is Deputy Head of Acquisitions at Oswestry’s Museum of Gravel, says that boring people like himself are often underestimated.
”For example, I suspect I got this job mostly because the people who interviewed me felt bad about falling asleep while I was talking.”
Image: pisauikan - Pixabay
