Lockjaw
The plant ,which requested it be referred to as Y, made this statement in a darkened room.
"The Prince started talking to me from when I was a sapling. He keep saying things like 'you're going to grow up big and strong for me'. Then he started putting stuff in my drinking water; I think it was Baby Bio. I think it made me bloom too quickly. Then he kept complimenting me on my foliage. Then he started running his hands through me leaves and 'cleaning' them.
"A fly that has been buzzing round the house tells me other plants have been getting the same treatment. It's time people stopped 'cultivating' plants in their homes for their own gratification".
No-one from Clarence House has issued a statement because we didn't contact them.
Image: https://pixabay.com/users/hmdg-8676495/