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1hr marathon a realistic next target


An impatient public are unimpressed by Sabastian Sawe's world record and have demanded that he up his game. Said one bored spectator, 'Once you've broken the two hour mark, surely the next landmark is one hour? Trimming minutes off it is bull$hit, he's not trying. Has he thought about sprinting instead of jogging?'


To help him, the public have made useful suggestions, such as running down hill, trying half the distance or even a relay? There is a growing sense that the marathon would be so much faster on bicycles.


'A one hour marathon is doable given we can put a man on the moon-after all, just think how high he had to jump.'




Louvre gang aims for first sub-four-minute robbery


The four-man gang who carried out the daring daylight raid on the Louvre say that, although the seven-minutes it took is a personal best, they are now aiming to shave at least one, two or even three minutes from their next job.


Gang member Gaston Leroi, not his real name, posted on social media: 'The sub-four-minute heist has long been the goal of museum and gallery thieves, ever since Roger Bannister broke the four-minute barrier in Oxford in 1954 with three stolen textbooks from Blackwell’s stuffed down his shorts.'


Police believe the thieves are likely to have retreated to their training ground deep in the French countryside, and are asking farmers to keep an eye on any outbuildings. The gang has said they are happy to undergo a drugs test to prove they did not use any performance enhancing substances during the Louvre raid. 'Thieves who do that are cheating,' Leroi added. 'It’s dishonest.'


Meanwhile, the truck that carried the mechanical ladder has received a €100 parking ticket and there is continuing disagreement over who will pay. The museum has scribbled ‘Sarkozy to cover’ on a note underneath one of the wipers.



Image credit: Benh LIEU SONG, Wikimedia Commons, licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0




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