<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" version="2.0"><channel><title><![CDATA[NewsBiscuit]]></title><description><![CDATA[We offer new and established satire writers the chance to submit their work, and have it published at www.newsbiscuit.com  ]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/all-news</link><generator>RSS for Node</generator><lastBuildDate>Wed, 22 Jul 2026 14:32:49 GMT</lastBuildDate><atom:link href="https://www.newsbiscuit.com/blog-feed.xml" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml"/><item><title><![CDATA[First his wife, now Andy Burnham’s female neighbours to be criticised for their dress sense]]></title><description><![CDATA[Andy Burnham's neighbours in Warrington are receiving fashion guidance to ensure that anybody in close proximity to the new PM meets the approval of online harridans. ]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/first-his-wife-now-andy-burnham-s-female-neighbours-to-be-criticised-for-their-dress-sense</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a60c808c1270e7e21ed44dd</guid><category><![CDATA[News in Brief]]></category><category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category><pubDate>Wed, 22 Jul 2026 14:30:10 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/7c8f7c_1e537a2a7acf4e508aeba125040e8705~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_640,h_427,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Sully</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Burnham asks new cabinet: 'does anyone have any ideas?']]></title><description><![CDATA[.]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/burnham-asks-new-cabinet-does-anyone-have-any-ideas</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5fddd15514a6e974a58cc4</guid><category><![CDATA[Headlines]]></category><pubDate>Wed, 22 Jul 2026 10:00:12 GMT</pubDate><dc:creator>Adrian Bamforth</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Burnham clapped in - Starmer clapped-out]]></title><description><![CDATA[.]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/burnham-clapped-in-starmer-clapped-out</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5fde9b63357ddf4dccf1d3</guid><category><![CDATA[Headlines]]></category><pubDate>Wed, 22 Jul 2026 10:00:11 GMT</pubDate><dc:creator>Titus</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Man has replanted his garden. There was no fuchsia in it]]></title><description><![CDATA[.]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/man-has-replanted-his-garden-there-was-no-fuchsia-in-it</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5fde255514a6e974a58dbd</guid><category><![CDATA[Headlines]]></category><pubDate>Wed, 22 Jul 2026 10:00:09 GMT</pubDate><dc:creator>Lockjaw</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[The Art of the Deal - Volume 2]]></title><description><![CDATA[Ace deal maker and definitely not a loser Donald Trump is working to fix the Iran War. 'It's just about making a deal,' said the President in a rare moment of lucidity on waking from his late afternoon nap. ]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/the-art-of-the-deal-volume-2</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5f96363357dd2c7436640d</guid><category><![CDATA[News in Brief]]></category><category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category><pubDate>Wed, 22 Jul 2026 10:00:09 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/7c8f7c_adf09207584c4bb4b75441dff583fbb4~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_600,h_500,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>deskpilot</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Liz Truss asks Labour on how to sabotage your own election]]></title><description><![CDATA[The Forde report has proven that Labour's right wing deliberately destroyed their chances of election victory, something Liz Truss has only managed to achieve by accident. An aide remarked: 'Labour officials worked tirelessly at sabotage, whereas our Liz only needs to stare vacantly at the camera, while she shouts something unintelligible about cheese. 'Ideally we'd like to be Machiavellian but Liz is barely Mac 'n' Cheese. Just by drawing breath, she can take 10% off your polling numbers -...]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/liz-truss-asks-labour-on-how-to-sabotage-your-own-election-1</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a247199195405000210d9f4</guid><category><![CDATA[From the Archive]]></category><pubDate>Wed, 22 Jul 2026 09:15:02 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/8461e3_911c12a75e124aaeae8c3ed73e27ed7b~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_640,h_426,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Wrenfoe</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Andy's New Cabinet ]]></title><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/andy-s-new-cabinet</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5fb5f563357ddf4dcc6d43</guid><category><![CDATA[Cartoons]]></category><pubDate>Wed, 22 Jul 2026 06:20:05 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/0f6213_e17b68cbcd144edbbf6196ddbba43bea~mv2.png/v1/fit/w_1000,h_924,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>urbanhermit</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[PM Andy B works the crowd ]]></title><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/pm-andy-b-works-the-crowd</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5fb56063357ddf4dcc6b63</guid><category><![CDATA[Cartoons]]></category><pubDate>Wed, 22 Jul 2026 06:15:03 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/0f6213_40032d03564b45f98b7d0f6c0d13b3bd~mv2.png/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Lockjaw</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[An important message from your water company – stop using water!]]></title><description><![CDATA[The country is currently experiencing a prolonged period of hot, dry weather. As you may have noticed, there is currently less water falling from the sky than usual, and water supplies are getting low. This has come as a complete surprise to us, despite operating a water company.]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/an-important-message-from-your-water-company-stop-using-water</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5e4e26fa1961e0043249e7</guid><category><![CDATA[Front Page]]></category><category><![CDATA[Lifestyle]]></category><pubDate>Wed, 22 Jul 2026 06:00:10 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/98cfeb_da29964223584e0ba358ab3f37f29e62~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_418,h_382,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Scribbles</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Mumsnet to gain nuclear capability]]></title><description><![CDATA[Online whingeing forum Mumsnet is believed to have joined the nuclear powers after developing its own atomic bomb. ‘Obvs we’d prefer a hydrogen bomb’, a spokesmum said.]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/mumsnet-to-gain-nuclear-capability</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5e8bc56adee9ecb1615684</guid><category><![CDATA[News in Brief]]></category><category><![CDATA[Local News]]></category><pubDate>Tue, 21 Jul 2026 14:00:23 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/8461e3_f1e08e9c9cca43c696a994dcac093dad~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_640,h_427,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Sully</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Keegan crosses]]></title><description><![CDATA[.]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/keegan-crosses</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5f389661674ad8b6e340e4</guid><category><![CDATA[Headlines]]></category><pubDate>Tue, 21 Jul 2026 10:00:15 GMT</pubDate><dc:creator>dominic_mcg</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Laxative addict thinks he has Assperger's syndrome]]></title><description><![CDATA[.]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/laxative-addict-thinks-he-has-assperger-s-syndrome</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5f38d96adee9ecb1634d3c</guid><category><![CDATA[Headlines]]></category><pubDate>Tue, 21 Jul 2026 10:00:14 GMT</pubDate><dc:creator>deskpilot</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Trump insists Bone Spurs kept him out of US soccer team]]></title><description><![CDATA[.]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/trump-insists-bone-spurs-kept-him-out-of-us-soccer-team</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5f3949e0effe41178d2334</guid><category><![CDATA[Headlines]]></category><pubDate>Tue, 21 Jul 2026 10:00:14 GMT</pubDate><dc:creator>tonymc</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Winner of the World Cup Tie-In Snacks Announced]]></title><description><![CDATA[Watching men in great physical shape run around doing the footballing for five and a half weeks has led to an increase in viewers' snacking across the participating nations.]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/winner-of-the-world-cup-tie-in-snacks-announced</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5e831d3a4e4248fffe8a55</guid><category><![CDATA[News in Brief]]></category><category><![CDATA[Sport/Entertainment]]></category><pubDate>Tue, 21 Jul 2026 10:00:14 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/7c8f7c_bab6799578f64c769389c4be5d00a1d1~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_600,h_480,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Sarah Tipper</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Rishi Sunak and Liz Truss find a fridge large enough for both egos]]></title><description><![CDATA[Following on from the success story that was Boris Johnson, the two people most likely to succeed him have borrowed his campaigning skills by hiding, presumably in a fridge.  'You can't blame me,' Mr Sunak is understood to have told someone who wasn't a TV interviewer, 'It's very hot outside, and hotter under scrutiny.'  Ms Truss is believed to be very concerned about cheese and didn't actually know why she was there, anyway, which suggests business as usual. Woman Fridge Refrigerator School...]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/rishi-sunak-and-liz-truss-find-a-fridge-large-enough-for-both-egos-1</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a247112195405000210d90d</guid><category><![CDATA[From the Archive]]></category><pubDate>Tue, 21 Jul 2026 09:13:02 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/8461e3_75811fbdda8148b186cc7422be51c570~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_424,h_640,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Throngsman</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Front bench job for Larry?]]></title><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/front-bench-job-for-larry</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5e63cefa1961e004328638</guid><category><![CDATA[Cartoons]]></category><pubDate>Tue, 21 Jul 2026 06:20:03 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/0f6213_0105cb56143b4438ad93b3b8b16cfe3e~mv2.png/v1/fit/w_708,h_551,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>ModelMaker</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Considerate KC 3 offers Andy B the job ]]></title><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/considerate-kc-3-offers-andy-b-the-job</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5e635e6adee9ecb160e55a</guid><category><![CDATA[Cartoons]]></category><pubDate>Tue, 21 Jul 2026 06:15:04 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/0f6213_8e947244395c4cf2b361f25b77b69951~mv2.png/v1/fit/w_1000,h_1000,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Lockjaw</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Torygraph: Useless Burnham starts by doing something we want]]></title><description><![CDATA['For months, we have been saying that the proposed digital ID card is an outrageous threat to British people's liberties,' thunder the proprietors of the Daily Torygraph, Sid and Doris Forsythe-Bonkers, in the paper's editorial today.]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/torygraph-useless-burnham-starts-by-doing-something-we-want</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5e84fe3357dd2c74335cbd</guid><category><![CDATA[Front Page]]></category><category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category><pubDate>Tue, 21 Jul 2026 06:00:14 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/7c8f7c_5d568abbe69340de965b0b8a09104c04~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_640,h_412,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Jeremynh</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Yes! You too can play Trump Middle East pinball]]></title><description><![CDATA[It's the new craze for deranged, octogenarian Americans which is proving even bigger than golf. 'Anyone can play this game,' said a spokes-flipper for the Trump Corporation.]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/yes-you-too-can-play-trump-middle-east-pinball</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5cc3c25e7d848635e40687</guid><category><![CDATA[News in Brief]]></category><category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category><pubDate>Mon, 20 Jul 2026 14:00:17 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://static.wixstatic.com/media/7c8f7c_ac605f5330b34240ae6fc383f4bfd6a4~mv2.jpg/v1/fit/w_600,h_540,al_c,q_80/file.png" length="0" type="image/png"/><dc:creator>Jeremynh</dc:creator></item><item><title><![CDATA[Wife who fell down wishing-well now recovering in Well Woman Clinic]]></title><description><![CDATA[writer: robfalconer]]></description><link>https://www.newsbiscuit.com/post/wife-who-fell-down-wishing-well-now-recovering-in-well-woman-clinic</link><guid isPermaLink="false">6a5d0494830cbda37bc1b48f</guid><category><![CDATA[Headlines]]></category><pubDate>Mon, 20 Jul 2026 10:00:15 GMT</pubDate><dc:creator>Guest Author</dc:creator></item></channel></rss>