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4 day week a success, so UK opts for 8 day week

Reacting to the Icelandic study that a four day week increases productivity and health, the British Government has decided not to give up on indentured servitude and gruel for breakfast. A spokeswoman said: 'If anything, the average Brit needs to work more hours. Those asbestos mines won't dig themselves, you know'.

The plan is to introduce an eighth day, with the additional time trimmed from your sleeping hours and the removal of Christmas. The name is still up for debate, but the front runners are 'DorisDay', 'Sunday Bloody Sunday' or 'Happy Mondays'.

Most of this day will be spent in a man-sized hamster wheel, while you are whipped by hooded figures from a Hieronymus Bosch painting. Medieval laments will form the background noises, alongside the whirring of a photocopier, the tapping of a keyboard and disgruntled murmurs of your work colleagues.

UK workers have greeted the 8 day week with a cheerful smile, as they doffed their caps and genuflected before a marble statue of the Queen's corgi. Although Craig David is said to be rather annoyed.

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