Updated: 5 days ago
The world's second-largest and second-most populous continent, has decided it is easier to adopt a fake Mexican accent and poncho covering 30 million km², rather than take advice from Matt Hancock. The prospect of having the shamed former minister as an UN envoy, has caused a continental drift of 8000 miles and has left a rather large gap below Spain.
Speaking from an undisclosed location, somewhere in the vicinity of coffee beans, Africa said: ‘Initially we thought we could just hide behind the curtains when he came knocking but a lot of women expressed alarm. After all we’ve got 1.3 billion people, so there is a very real risk that one lady might find him attractive. Law of big numbers says someone has self-esteem that low’.
Having changed postal address and worn a large fake moustache, Africa explained: ‘Ethiopia particularly has seen a lot of alarming pictures of death and disease over the years – and that’s just Matt Hancock’s time as Health Secretary’