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Aldi to Join Formula One

In a surprising move, the FIA have announced that the famous German marque Aldi will compete in Formula One from 2026.

The company, known for its no-frills approach to shopping and eclectic selection of products, has already announced their driving pairing of Lewis Spamilton and Micky Shoemaker and are hoping to compete with rivals Mercedes and Red Bull at a fraction of the cost.

The team has yet to announce the location for its headquarters, but have attracted bids from every owner of brownfield sites on the outskirts of town throughout the UK and will likely choose to base its operations at all of them in a way that will shake the current structure of motorsport hierarchy to the core.

Initial tests of the team's set up have however hit problems. Pit-stops, which in Formula One take around two-to-three seconds, are currently lasting more than fifteen minutes as the drivers become distracted by what's on offer in the middle-aisle. This is also affecting car design, as they have to incorporate space for the unexpected purchase of an air fryer and paddleboard. However, the actual changing of the car's tyres will be complete faster than any team thanks to Aldi's decision to transfer members of their checkout staff to the pit crew.

Teething problems notwithstanding, Aldi are confident their cars will be on the grid at the first race of the season, featuring a front-end so similar to a rival's design that it culminates in a lengthy court case.

In related news, German car maker Audi have announced they will be opening dozens more supermarkets - also by 2026 - as well as noting their concern at potential mix-ups in press releases due to inadequate proof-reading.

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