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All advent calendar doors have a landlord behind them

Unbeknownst to most children, private landlords have acquired all Xmas property, designating the stable in Nazareth as a luxury family size apartment, with parking for one donkey. Spiralling energy costs have been passed directly to renters, meaning the average monthly advent calendar costs £2754.

Said one dispirited child: 'Behind one door was a leaking boiler, that the landlord refused to repair. Another had black mould. Whereas three doors were already occupied, before I even knew they had gone on the market.'

The final advent door has a spurious invoice for damage done to the other doors, meaning not only is there no Santa but you also lose your deposit.

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