In a bold move to show Western Europe and the US how little economic sanctions have affected Russia, Vladimir Putin today announces that to utilise the ever increase stockpiles of Russian gas, the state will provide every citizen, street, hamlet and road their own patio heater.
To mock the wests refusal to use Russian gas, whilst claiming that millions of citizens will face fuel poverty, the newly installed patio heaters will be switched on 24/7/365 in a move that is intended to give every part of Russia “a balmy July evening in the Med feeling” that will be the envy of the whole world, the scheme will also be offered to their allies and close neighbours.
Putin also unveiled that the surplus of gas will also mean that all Russians will receive an LPG dividend, and that work is underway to show how easily homegrown Russian LPG can be used to feed the nation, a cook book called “Cooking with gas - 1001 recipes that use LPG” will be produced.