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All UK parks to have their own Elaine Page

The PM has backed plans to have the musical 'Chess' played in every park. A graffiti resistant Elaine Page will belt out songs to the homeless, while her 1980's hair will ward off seagulls.

Swings will be replaced by a giant inflatable Barbara Dickson, for local children to play on. While dog walkers will be encouraged to pick up the $hit story written by Tim Rice.

Although Park Chess sounds like a rubbish Blur cover band, fans of the musical were excited: 'It's everything I love about the show plus, during the interval, I get to be stabbed by the roundabout.'

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