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Argos catalogue to be replaced with ‘Boris’ catalogue of errors’.

The iconic shopping guide is to make way for a much weightier tome, covering the Prime Minister’s failings, both large and small – but mainly large. The new catalogue will still be laminated, as chapters 7-16 cover Mr. Johnson’s spaffing and haphazard reproduction.

Instead of planning your Christmas shop, voters will be able select from a variety of classic Boris blunders to enjoy; be it killing off a chunk of the population or the slightly more horrific image, of him being stuck on a zipwire.

Explained one store manager: ‘Firstly you can choose from a myriad of mistakes, ranging from A-Z – and all of them racist. Once you’ve found a real calamity, then you take the little blue pen and poke out your own eyes. Better that, than see what Boris does next.’

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