In previous reports we may have given the impression that Boris 2.0 was a shoo-in for Prime Minister. We now realise that his integrity and all-round decency wouldn’t allow him to be become Prime Minister at a time when the Privileges Committee might suspend him. He only cut short his third holiday in three months to bundle his family on a cattle-class flight home just to confirm he wasn't standing.
NewsBiscuit has seen the list of Boris’s 102 supporters and we can confirm that they were genuine and not fabricated. We were particularly pleased to see British icons such as Harry Potter, Great Uncle Bulgaria and Fireman Sam showing their support.
Boris 2.0 will now demonstrate his integrity by going on lots of holidays, attempting to knock off a couple of barmaids at each resort and accepting lots of Russian money.