“As the new Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police, I propose to do absolutely nothing,” Prime Minister Boris Johnson told reporters.
“I will carry on in exactly the same vein as I've done up until now as PM, Foreign Secretary, Mayor of London and editor of The Spectator.
“I will turn up for photoshoots, milk the publicity for all it is worth and magically get the credit while making sod-all effort.
“As new chief of the Met I say to the criminals of London: rape, steal, pillage and riot all you like. You won’t be able keep it up forever, you know. And after a while, when all of you are thoroughly worn out from your criminal activities, I’ll be able to say triumphantly: ‘Bozza brought law and order to the streets of London!’
“Hang on! Who stole the wheels off my bloody bike?”
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