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Braverman announces Caste system for all UK citizens

Home Secretary Suella Braverman has announced that from 2023 all citizens will be given new 'Brexit Caste' level, following the model that is used to define people in India.

The surprise announcement, made over an evening social gathering in the far right wing of the Birmingham conference center during the annual get together of Conservatives, will mean that each citizen will be given a caste, or 'level' within society that they cannot ultimately break out from.

While the Indian system focuses on the role played in life, for example the Vaishyas, who trade and do business while the Kshatriyas protect and administer the community or the country, the vision of Braverman is much simpler: there will be 'Illegal', 'Poor', 'Rich' and 'Absolutely loaded', plus a separate caste, 'Donor', which one can actually become at any time and from any other country, as long as they stump up enough money.

'This simple, clear understanding of how people contribute to Brexit Britain is going to make life a lot simpler and less bureaucratic' announced a spokeswoman for Ms. Braverman, 'and it will free us up from Europe and Human Rights and all those things that the British people just don't want.'

Pressed on the details, it seemed plans were still emerging but what was clear was that anyone of the 'Illegal' caste, normally who had arrived in Britain without a passport, be it by boat, air, land, or just had it nicked on holiday, would be send to Rwanda immediately, forever with a fiver to get them going. 'Poor' would be anyone not paying much tax, Northerners, most Nurses and Scotland. 'Rich' would be anyone with a lot of cash, generally fat wallet, lived in London and liked to large it on a Thursday down on the South Bank, while 'Absolutely loaded' was, she said 'self explanatory'.

'What we need is clear and simple rules.' she enthused 'poor people will make way in the street for rich people, simple things like that, which is what this country has been crying out for in terms of non European good old - almost Victorian - British standards.' She then produced a graph showing by 2024 the number of migrants entering Britain would be down to seven followed by a picture of a Union Jack to wild applause from the conference hall, but nearly tripped over a Nigerian lady cleaning the floor around her while she spoke.

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