In a show of solidarity with Ukraine and NATO, Britain has rushed a crack infantry squad to eastern Europe consisting of a young goatherd armed with a slingshot.
Private David was taken off goat-watching duties on Salisbury Plain yesterday evening and sent to the Russian border armed with the MOD’s most up-to-date version of a cloth catapult and pebble.
“This is the best weaponry Britain has to go up against a Goliath like Russia,” explained Foreign Secretary Liz Truss.
"David will be reinforcing Britain's massive battlegroup of 350 troops in Estonia and the 400 troops we have in Poland," said Truss, "so Putin better think twice before sending his 130,000-strong army into Ukraine.
"We're also dispatching two fast patrol rowing boats to the eastern Mediterranean," added Truss. "They left Portsmouth last night and should be rounding the Isle of Wight by the end of this week.
"And to really show our resolve, we'll be sending to the Black Sea the Royal Navy's most prized hunter-killer submarine. It’s the one the defence secretary plays with in his bath.”
In a statement from his bathroom this morning Defence Secretary Ben Wallace said: “Dive! Dive! Dive! Oh, do you want this now?”
image from pixabay