The disbelief provoked by the recent reshuffle, is said to be evidence that this was a clear attempt to spark outrage and give Twitter users an embolism. A Downing Street source confirmed that Boris was just doing it 'for the bantz'.
Rumours persist that originally Gavin Williamson was to be replaced with an egg plant but no one noticed. While appointing Nadine Dorries as Culture Secretary, is the political equivalent of poking a hornet’s nest and then for an encore shoving your thumb up an alligator’s butt.
Meanwhile the chairs on the Titanic objected to the tired analogy that Boris was simply rearranging the furniture on a sinking ship. Said one chair: 'If anything we were killing time before an inevitable icy death, but with Boris it will be so much worse'.
Boris is considering staying on as Prime Minister, but that is just what a wind-up-merchant would say.