The Nylon Tracksuit was Already Chafing, and She'd Only Walked out to the Blocks.

Winner: Flash Arry

Runners-Up:

"Claire was going to win Olympic 100m Gold, whatever the Department of Delusional Disorders due to Traumatic Head Injuries might say." (Benvoleo);

"Race to break New Year's resolutions off to an early start." (APepper)