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Carillion used May’s ‘strong and stable’ cement mix

Construction giant Carillion is on the verge of collapse after taking building advice from Theresa May – a leader with all the durability of aluminium siding. Unbeknownst to Carillion, the Prime Minister lacked the basic skillset to put up a set of shelves, let alone assemble a lasting Cabinet.

The ‘strong and stable’ economic foundation, turns out to have had all the durability of jelly or a Harvey Weinstein restraining order. Commented one - soon to be insolvent - contractor: ‘It’s reminiscent of The House That Jack Built, if Jack had then be rewarded with a series of multi-billion pound contracts, while being allowed to default on the Maiden All Forlorn’s pension fund.’ Meanwhile those schools and prisons maintained by Carillion are advised to get by with sticky tape and string – once the Brexit Team has finished with it.

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