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“Celebrity HGV Driver” programme may solve government crisis

Updated: Nov 20, 2021

Major broadcasters plan to come to the aid of the government by tapping into an endless supply of celebs that will do simply anything to have their faces on TV again, by helping solve the country's HGV driver shortage.

A plethora of has-beens have been taking the simplified HGV test, before showing their skills behind the wheel.

Producers of the programme have been tight lipped about the content, but have revealed that there were a few issues while filming. One hopeless celeb laughed as they delivered a tipper load of topsoil to a filling station on the M4. Another walked off the set after dropping some Toyota radiators at a Nissan factory. There was even a case of 20 tons of prime beef being delivered to a vegan wholesaler.

'Some of the celebs seemed to struggle with the bastard gear changes of a Foden S20', said one lorry driver, brought in as a consultant expert on the programme. 'But those who got the Scania R420 just had a smug look on their faces - understandably so, its a dream of a ride.'

An ex model/reality star, who broke several of her nails fixing the sewerage extraction pipes to the pump of her clapped out Volvo F86, said the last straw came after she had not been supplied with pink protective gloves with a feathery trim. The unnamed star was last heard shouting the soon to be famous programme catchphrase: "I'm a celebrity, get me out of the layby on the A404!" .

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