King Charles has ordered that the vehicle have all the mod cons required to keep the riff raff away. The head coachman confirmed: 'The wheels will have rotating blades, there will be concealed flamethrowers and an ejector seat should the plebs get too close.'
The original gold-plated carriage was intended as a big f$ck you to all those prols who could not afford shoes but more recent coaches have had to fend off the unwashed hordes with electrified door handles. The 1.3 mile journey down The Mall now resembles a scene from Mad Max, with the monarch hurling grenades at his ravenous subjects.
'Built like a Sherman tank, it has more gadgets than OO7. We've even given it an extra springy suspension, for when the King rolls over the crowds. It'll be less like a coronation but more like a Royal Rumble.'