There were scenes of chaos outside the headquarters of News International and other newspapers in London as thousands of columnists descended on their offices, desperate to get space on their pages to denounce US president Joe Biden.
“I’ve never liked the Democrat Party,” said one right-wing pundit who had joined the swarm outside the doors of the Daily Mail and was clutching a piece of copy entitled ‘This shambling old peacenik is a disgrace’.
“I absolutely must persuade them to put this out so I can cash in on this orgy of hatred and derision for Sleepy Joe.”
“It's nearly as pitiful as the scenes at Kabul airport,” said an exhausted sub-editor for the Daily Telegraph. “They're screaming and hollering to get their pieces in but we've been overwhelmed by all the paperwork, and there’s no way we'll be able to find space for them all before we pull out of this story.
“Some of the most ardently conservative columnists in Britain – our staunch allies over the past few years – have clearly been driven to distraction and are now completely hysterical. Look at this piece from Charles Moore. ‘America has lost its power and we’re all going to die’.
“It will take weeks to process all their submissions and tragically, there are thousands that we will have to consign to oblivion.”