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Destitute Red Wall Tory voter delighted by Kwarteng’s budget

Sitting in his empty living room as bailiffs take the last of his furniture to their van, Red Wall voter, Alan Barnes, who voted Tory first time at the last election after previously having always supported Labour, is ecstatic with the mini-budget.

'OK, cards on the table, I was a Boris man through and through. His integrity and honesty really won me over. But now we’ve got Liz and Kwasi at the helm, things have just got even better. Believe me, that 63p a month gift sure is going to go along way. It’s what levelling up is all about.'

When asked if he bore any malice towards the government after many political commentators suggested the budget appears to favour the much better off in society, Mr Barnes said, 'Are you kidding me? With all these great times to look forward to just ahead, once the created wealth trickles down to the penniless like me, it will signal the beginning of a new dawn of fantastic opportunity.'

;Anyway, I haven’t got time to stand around and talk. Must get myself down the food bank before its stripped bare. Err... don't suppose you’d have a spare fiver I could borrow?'

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