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easyJet to introduce pre-cancelled flights

In a bold move to reduce the amount of time that passengers spend waiting for flights that never take off, Easyjet are to introduce the pre-cancelled flight. Hours of frustrating and pointless waiting will be eliminated and delays could be made a thing of the past.

‘Flights will be booked as normal with the added choice of pre-cancellation for a small fee,’ said an Easyjet spokesperson for a small fee. ‘Customers will no longer need to wait around in the airport living off overpriced takeaway food and choking on their own sense of injustice.

‘Instead they can experience the disappointment of cancelled flights in the comfort of their own home at their own convenience. We expect that the type of customers that this will appeal to will be people who didn’t want to go anyway, business people wanting to pull a sickie and old blokes who are bored with ranting about people parking outside their house and need a new outlet for their bile.’

As part of the pre-cancellation service Easyjet will provide an automated telephone line where people can phone to rant about how they will never use Easyjet again and will book with British Airways next time. The website will provide a picture of a member of Easyjet staff with an expression on their face that screams ‘whatever – we know you’ll come back because you are cheap’ to support the call service.

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