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Extremist preachers thwarted by student apathy and munchies

Radical Islamists have spoken at their frustration in making not the slightest impact on Britain’s youngsters. One preacher, who wishes to remain unidentified, said: 'Inciting violence requires a certain degree of engagement by your audience. Instead, all you see is an auditorium full of teenagers looking out the window, each with an iPod hanging out of one ear.'

The NUS Vice-President for welfare tried to explain: 'British students regardless of race, religion, sexuality or gender are a feckless, promiscuous bunch of layabouts. This has been our long tradition. At no point have we ever pretended that University education was anything other than an elaborate scam to avoid personal responsibility and hygiene for another three years.'

One mildly catatonic student said: 'Not my fault, my computer got a virus….Wikipedia was down…printer ran out of ink…I already handed it in…er…um…what was the question? If it’s not in the exam, I don’t care.'


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