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Face Eating Leopard sets out leadership campaign

Conservative voters were energised today by the candidacy of Face Eating Leopard, as he stood on a platform of face eating, low taxes, and further face eating. Speaking to a room of packed journalists, or ‘lunch’ as he referred to them, he said: ‘I feel I have something to offer the country – which is very specific dietary requirement.’

Already ahead of Liz Truss, the leopard insisted his devouring of noses would be more appealing. ‘Just because I sound and look like a leopard, does not mean I cannot change my spots. Contrary to rumours I will not be eating your face…well, maybe just the once’.

image from pixabay

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