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French customs officials ‘enjoying halcyon new life’ in Rwanda

British holidaymakers currently enjoying the endless bucket-and-spade paradise that is the M20 have been given further reasons to cheer as the government confirmed the successful removal of French border Agency officials to begin a new life on the sunlit upveldts of Rwanda.

Reporting on the triumph of Operation They Look A Bit Foreign, a Home Office Spokesperson said: ‘The suspiciously chic individuals were apprehended by British Border Police soon after setting Gucci loafers and kitten heels on British Soil. Organised and efficient, they were clearly up to no good, and while we sympathise with their understandable wish to leave France, decisive action ensured their swift transportation- I mean, deportation- to country clamouring to give a five-star resettlement experience to thousands of traumatised exiles, despite being unable to supply 50% of its own population with fresh drinking water.

‘It’s yet another example of the French authorities turning a blind eye and foisting their undesirables onto our caring, compassionate, humane nation. Happily we were able to pop a potato sack over their heads and whisk them off to RAF Brize Norton for an invigorating flight rolling trussed around the floor of a de Havilland Albatross, before you could say: “That’ll teach you not to get hepatitis, typhoid, cholera, malaria, yellow fever, rabies and meningitis jabs, Sonny Jacques”.

‘Rest assured we’re retaliating in the strongest possible diplomatic terms: Dominic Raab, Jeremy Clarkson, that bloke off the Go Compare adverts and a DVD of Mrs Brown’s Boys are currently rowing across to France in an inflatable under cover of darkness. With a strong prevailing 30-mile tailback, I can confirm they’ve made it as far as Maidstone Services.’

image from pixabay

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