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Government rips up M4 on outskirts of capital, but not to stop a coup or anything

Taking a leaf out of Russia's book, the UK Ministry of Transport has torn up a large section of the M4 on the outskirts of the capital city, making it impassable for all traffic.

"We've strategically chosen a section just before Heston services, to block all access from London to Heathrow and vice versa," said a man from the ministry with a moustache and thinning hair.

"This isn't to protect the capital from rebellious mercenaries, or anything of that order," he continued. "It's just something we like to do at regular intervals, to show the public who's boss.

"We tend to choose high summer to rip up entire sections of motorway because it causes four-hour tailbacks and, as the temperature soars, car engines overheat, children start screaming and everyone feels suicidal.

"We do it to remind people that this government, like Mr Putin's, has the power to make their lives a complete and utter misery at any time it likes, so they had better be obedient and treat us with respect."

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