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Government to adopt public school tactics over inflation

Borrowers have been put on notice for further Bank of England interest rate rises after inflation in the UK unexpectedly remained stuck at 8.7% in May.

Ex-public schoolboy and Prime Minister Rishi Sunak, was rumoured to be entering No.10 wearing a teaching gown and mortar board he’d nicked from an old school master, muttering “The beatings will continue until the behaviour changes” as he twirled a cane.

Our economics correspondent says he thinks this is Sunak’s way of explaining to mortgage payers that if they continue to borrow money to feed and clothe their children, causing him to look silly for promising to halve inflation, he will adopt the same attitude his sports master did when he was caught puffing on his fag behind the bike shed by making interest rates even more punishing.

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