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Govt: 'Clifftop rambles in force ten banned but tightrope walks on pylons still perfectly fine'

A spokesman for the government today announced new and immediate emergency legislation forbidding members of the public from walking along the very edge of all cliffs in a force ten gale. However, he did confirm it is still perfectly fine to perform a tightrope walk between two electricity pylons carrying a charge of up 400,000 volts while using a 12 foot aluminum balancing pole .

'It's very important people are aware of the dangers of walking along clifftops in high winds. They must understand that doing so is not advised under any circumstances and has now been outlawed,' said the spokesman, adding 'we must all play our part to protect everyone and minimise a possible tsunami of smashed-up people overrunning an NHS that is already at breaking point. That's the sort British spunk and sacrifice that saw us defeat Hitler after all.'

When one libertarian correspondent suggested the government was implementing a nanny state by stealth, the spokesman denied this, pointing out there were no plans currently to ban those wishing to indulge in, 'Festive high jinks and pranks at Christmas parties, for example. Parties still allowed despite a clamour of calls to the contrary.

'Boys will be boys, and of course as far as the PM is concerned, jolly larking around, as long as it's responsibly, with high voltages is fine. Nevertheless, we shall keep a close eye on the science here, although after the draconian measures of last year Boris feels the nation has earned the right to be cut just a little slack.'

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