In a briefing held earlier this morning, Number 10 announced that Chris Grayling had been drafted in to assist Transport Secretary Grant Shapps in resolving the ongoing P&O dispute.
A government spokesman said: "D'oh, just how silly are we? This thorny issue has been going on for several weeks now, while all along, we had the answer right under our noses. With his comprehensive background in the maritime sector, particularly the passenger ferry business, Chris will have this all sorted out by lunchtime tomorrow."
On hearing the news, one RMT negotiator said: 'Fuckin' hell, that's all we needed. Please tell me this is a late April Fool's prank.'
Meanwhile, looking pleased as punch to be in the spotlight once more, Mr Grayling commented: 'It's great to be back on the ocean wave again, as it were. Now just remind me, these ferry thingumajigs are currently stuck at our airports, and we need to send a task force to get them flying again. That's right, isn't it?'