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Writer's picturesimonjjames

Guide to the budget measures you may have missed



After the budget, and all the usual furore around it, we have noticed quite a few things that may have gone under the radar:


Tax relief on all falcons and falconry related purchases

Increased "right to privacy" laws for those ennobled whilst hiring mistresses, dominatrices, fetishists, rent people, milk maids and humiliation specialists.

Reduced duties for those with 3 or more houses with turrets and / or tessellations

Nepotistic apprenticeship schemes for the next generation of spice traders, port importers, sugar barons and plantation owners.

Removal of duties for boats and yacht with own helicopter pads.

Levy on purchases of all tracksuits and hoodies.

Eton and Harrow to receive special £500 million grant to develop the next generation of "traditional values leaders"

Foie Gras import ban removed and protected status introduced

New King's award for innovation in blaming foreigners for things




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