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  • Myke

House of Commons foodbank running low on Cognac

The number of MPs turning to foodbanks for help is on the rise again. Volunteers in the House of Commons say it has been their busiest month yet, with peers and MPs queuing around the block to stock up on the basics such as foie gras and a rather indifferent but otherwise passable Sauvignon Blanc.

One user who was too embarrassed to give his name, said: ‘Since I got back from the Caribbean, I’m down to my last bottle of Cognac. I’ve had to tell the children we can’t afford hand-crafted wallpaper this Christmas. They were in floods of tears. How have we come to this as a nation?’

Film director Ken Loach has spent several weeks in parliament filming ‘I, Fat Bastard’, a hard-hitting exposé of the hardships faced by MPs who have slipped through the net.

‘It’s truly Kafkaesque,’ said Loach. ‘Imagine the indignity of having to submit receipt after receipt just to claim back your hotel expenses. They’re at boiling point. It’s going to kick off around here, I can tell you!’

Dominic Raab has denied beating volunteers with a stick while shouting ‘Piñata! Piñata!’

image from pixabay

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