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House of Commons identified as a brownfield site


London’s most dilapidated eyesore have been scheduled for demolition. Rather than face a repair bill of £5.7bn, the UK’s rat-infested Parliament will be transformed into a dozen attractive semi-detached homes, complete with off road parking, five hundred years of democracy and their own ‘Black Rod’.


Technically the House of Commons is designated a ‘disused’ industrial zone, given that nothing productive has occurred there in decades. While developers have been invited to submit proposals for the Westminster site; with ideas ranging from the practical (‘a landfill site for Lib Dems’) to the outrageous (‘a place where laws get made’). Obviously, there is some concern over the ‘listed’ aspects of the building, but everyone agrees that it is time to dismantle Dennis Skinner.


One builder commented: ‘It’s quite an undertaking, we’ve got a lot of deadwood to remove, such as Jacob Rees-Mogg’. The new housing description reads: ‘Attractive maisonettes, overlooking the Thames and the homeless John Bercow. Within a stone’s throw of your local MP – or a brick if you prefer’.





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