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HSE to investigate 'Jack and Jill' case once Dumpy Investigation concluded

Following a number of media stories about an accident involving a young boy named only as ‘Jack’ for legal reasons and his young female ‘partner’ Jill, the Health and Safety Executive have launched an investigation.

‘It is understood a young man was employed to fetch water from a remote location adjacent to a steep hill, with a metal can provided to convey the water. In the execution of his said duties,’ said a HSE spokesman, ‘he lost his footing, fell down the hill and sustained serious, potentially life changing, head injuries. It is understood that his partner attempted to dress his injuries with brown paper laced with malt vinegar,’ added the spokesman.

The HSE inquiry is understood to be wide ranging, including the apparent exploitation of minors in the workplace, insufficient risk assessments, the carriage of excessive loads, insufficient manual handling training, inadequate stairs with handrails and ‘very poor first aid training.’

‘Our inspectors will be carrying out a complete report into the accident once resources become available,’ continued the spokesman. ‘Currently they are investigating a serious fall from an elevated position also resulting in head injuries that appears to have all the hallmarks of a cover up from the royal family as soldiers assigned to the royal family have seemingly colluded to carry out “repairs” to the injured person without recourse to calling 999 or at the very least 111. Instead there is some evidence they’ve allowed equine resources to assist, which is unusual to say the least.

A spokesperson for the royal household confirmed there was an ongoing investigation, but insisted some of the injuries reported were ‘eggsagerated, or at least scrambled.’

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